A Widow's Leap Into Love Part 1

I was feeling a little pressure to do a Valentine's Day episode and wasn't really feeling it until a song had popped in my head. It was Tina Turner. What's Love Got to Do With it? Now, I knew it was a message from Tom and I knew I had something to share, but I wasn't sure what. But first let me tell you a funny story about me and Tom and why Tina Turner makes me think of him. So Tom was 6'3", he weighed about 300 pounds and I am half of his size. So when we would walk together, one of his steps would be like two or three of mine and I always felt like I was just running to keep up with him. And one day we were with his family at a casino and we were holding hands, walking around and his knee said Tom, I swear, it looks like you're just dragging Rebecca around everywhere you go. So we all got a good laugh. And then he grabs my arm and says really loud in his deep voice let's go, anime. And starts dragging me out of the casino. I could barely keep up and people were staring and we were just dying laughing. So from that point on it just became this ongoing joke and Tom would just keep calling me anime, especially since I would talk shit back Probably a little too much. But believe me, tom Johnson was no-ight Turner and he would have never raised a hand to me. So anyway, I knew when I heard that song I had to do a Valentine's Day episode. But I'm not here to give dating advice. All I can tell you is what not to do. This episode is more to answer questions that I get asked a lot by widows Are you dating and have you dated? Let's start with have you dated? Because that's the easiest to answer yes, and I have done so horribly. I even signed up for a dating coach once and I stopped it because it was too much work. And here's the thing that I don't understand about dating these days. One you could barely even call it dating. Most encounters I've had was let's have dinner and go back to my place. Nothing else, no movie, no other activity, nothing fun, nothing creative, no adventure, nothing but his place in sex. And I don't understand how everyone has their own definition of relationships. I mean, you literally have to ask somebody what their definition is and I swear everyone's is different. I think only marriage now means an exclusive relationship, like whatever happened to will you be my boyfriend, yes or no? So I've had two relationships since Tom died. The first was a year after Tom died. I met someone very unexpectedly and just so you know how unexpected it was, it was actually at my brother-in-law's house and, I'm not gonna lie, it felt like one of those love at first sight moments, and not this chemistry, bullshit that everyone seems to want nowadays. It was exactly when you look into someone's eyes and they see you. There was really this magnetic pull and I just wanted to be in his space and didn't have to touch him at all. So when he first showed up at this cookout, I saw him and I immediately thought, hey, this guy is attractive. But he was with someone and there was a couple of times that I thought he was staring at me. But anyone who knows me you know I have a prosthetic eye. So, honestly, I didn't know if my body and face was turned towards him and one eye was looking at him and then maybe I was looking at the other way. I don't know if, maybe I was given mixed signals, but I did feel like he kept staring at me. And then later I was going inside, he was on the porch with some other people and this girl started talking to me and she's like hey, you're Clark's sister, right? And I was like, yeah, that's me and she's just chatting with me. And she's like so, I want to introduce you to blah blah, so I'm not going to say his name. And I was like, oh, it's great to meet you. And then she goes and this is my husband, and I was like, oh, it's so nice to meet you. So then it was weird because it's like they're not together, he's single. So we just kind of started our own conversation and everyone else just walked away. We just stood there pretty much for I don't know an hour or more just talking about anything, really just random stuff. And from that night on we spent every single day together. We never ran out of things to talk about. We talked about our entire loves. He listened to me talk about Tom. He asked questions. He wanted to know more. I think Tom would have really liked them. And this was also the first person that I went on a date with. I even told about my cancer or knew that I had a prosthetic eye. He even went with me to one of my checkups and scan appointments and asked my doctor questions. Everyone loved him, including Tom's family. This was probably the happiest that I had been in a really long time, but in the end it was too good to be true. He was only here for the summer and I knew that and in a way I wasn't ready for that kind of love because with everything that had been going on with my cancer, I had really just started grieving Tom. But it felt so good. I was also living in the present moment for the first time ever and we knew it was coming to an end and we said our goodbyes. I know what you're thinking why, why did you say goodbye? Well, he was here visiting from another country, so he had to go back to his kids no, not a wife, just kids His job, his home, his responsibilities, his entire life. So why didn't I go with him? That is also a pretty complicated story, but basically I didn't want that kind of commitment or life. But everything worked out. He is living a very happy life and he's happily married with more children, and I wouldn't want that any other way. People come into your life for a reason and during that time I needed love and he gave that to me. I needed to be seen and he saw me, and that's something that I will never forget. Now there's more to share, so I will be saving that for the next episode, because it's Valentine's Day and I just wanted to leave you with this little love story that I hold so dear to my heart, because, after all, love is not dead. Love is not dead, just my husband.