A Widow's Tale of Hope and Resilience

As a wife, I put my dreams aside. As a widow, I discovered that my dreams could come true. As a cancer patient, my dreams are on hold. I knew I wanted something different when I was part of this company event that had a team building facilitator leading activities. It was bringing employees together in ways that I've just never seen before Working together, solving puzzles, expressing their creativity, but most of all, they were having fun. It was almost like I was watching myself. That is the role that I was meant for, but not knowing what it was called, I went back to school for human resources and the first place that I wanted to make a difference was within my own company, and I soon learned that human resources was a lot of work. But it did give me the advantage of seeing things from two different perspectives as an employee and as an employer. Just as I was finishing school, my passion shifted. That's when I started this podcast. Love is Not Dead Just my Husband. I wanted to support widows stuck in the pain of loss and who wanted to actually move forward and live happily even after. Podcasting has been the most amazing thing that I've ever done, but I wanted to do more. But how? I wanted to do coaching and work with widows one-on-one, but there just seemed to be something I was missing. Like, you can find widows support anywhere with anyone, so why would someone want to work with me? I took a life certification course to start the process and, of course, I second guessed myself the entire time, so much so that I never did anything with it. But still I questioned how can I make a difference? How can I make things easier for widows? Where do we struggle the most after a loss? Then I thought going back to work. But the problem doesn't just lie with us. It also lies with our employers. And this is where I thought that I would make the difference. This is what I knew. I would put the human back in human resources. I wanted to help employers understand how to better support grief in the workplace. So the research began. I talked to other widows business owners just looking to see if there was a need for it and no surprise, there was. Next, I needed help with starting a business. Now I had been following Ina Kovni at Get Clients First for the podcast and my potential coaching business. I loved her energy and her optimism. Ina was magnetic and I knew from the first moment that I heard her speak, that I wanted to work with her, so I asked Ina if she would help me pivot with this new idea and she was totally on board. I mean, we got to work immediately and the one-on-one sessions with Ina was so empowering we got right to it. Each session, not a minute wasted. But the in-person full-day experience with Ina in Boston was the icing on the cake. By the time I left Boston, I was 90% done with all the business aspects. The last step was actually getting clients, but if you know me, there's always a but. Shortly after returning home, I had my routine six month scan for ocular melanoma, which I was diagnosed for in 2018, just six weeks after my husband, tom, had died. This was my official five year scan and I was super excited to get an all clear to only have annual scans from that point going forward. But that's not what happened. The scans showed that the cancer had metastasized to my liver and everything changed. My entire life was put back on hold again due to cancer. No work, no podcasting, no business, just cancer. I did take a week to wallow in self pity, and then I started to repeat a mantra that a fellow ocular melanoma friend had said to me I am here today, I will be here tomorrow, and there are a lot of tomorrows. Then my friend Nicole said to me forget cancer, forget work, forget everything. What do you want to do with the remainder of your life? What's going to bring you the most joy, without missing a beat? Podcasting I want to help as many people as I can before I die. I want to leave something behind to be remembered, for my son to be proud of. I want this podcast to be my legacy. So another pivot, but that's okay. That's what life is about pivoting. So, even though it was a lot of work, ina helped me switch everything over from my new business of grief in the workplace to focus more on my podcast, working with widows one on one and speaking. Ina helped make my ideas of ways to work with widows come alive on my website. I don't think I could have done all that without her. Not only has Ina been a terrific business coach, I've gained a true friend in the process and my very first business bestie. I have decided that I'm not going to let cancer put a kibosh on my career. I'm still going to offer support for grief in the workplace, but on a smaller scale. I'm going to use the remaining time that I have to help support as many widows as possible. I want to help you embrace life and loss. At the same time, I want to inspire you to embark on your own meaningful path. I want you to regain a sense of purpose and rewrite your own story. I'm not sure how all of this is going to pan out. I may even fail, but I'm going to make the most of it and I'm sure as hell going to have fun doing it, because, after all, love is not dead. That's my husband.