Oct. 21, 2024
Are You Widow Strong?
In this episode, I talk about the complexity of the phrase "You are so strong" and the varied emotions it can evoke for Widows navigating the grieving process. Initially, it can feel more like a burden than a compliment, especially in the acute stages of grief.
It's easy to interpret these words as pressure to hide our vulnerability and minimize our pain for the sake of others. However, as time passes, we may come to see this phrase in a more positive light.
It's not about pretending to be strong; it's about recognizing the courage it takes to face each day without our loved ones. Despite the tears shed and the struggles faced, every step forward is a testament to our strength and resilience.
So, while we may not always feel strong, we can acknowledge the bravery it takes to keep moving forward on our widow journey. And one day, we may even see ourselves as strong as others perceive us to be.
As always, Widow Your Way ❤️
You can now sign up for a small monthly subscription to support the show. Click the link above 👆
I would love to here from you! Send me a message.
Instagram: @loveisnotdead_justmyhusband
Facebook: Love is not dead, Just my husband
Website: www.widowyourway.com
You can also support the show in other ways:
- Click the subscribe button to continue this journey with me
- Leave a review to help others find me
Coffee is my love language ❤️
If you like this episode, please consider Buying Me A Coffee!
Transcript
WEBVTT
00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:11.109
Let's talk about one of my favorite hashtags Widow Strong and how we feel about being told how strong we are as widows.
00:00:11.109 --> 00:00:24.253
Now, I have seen this go two different ways and I can honestly say that I feel differently now about this than I did when my husband had died back in 2018.
00:00:24.253 --> 00:00:31.544
This than I did when my husband had died back in 2018.
00:00:31.544 --> 00:00:36.713
How can being told you are so strong be taken as offensive but also be considered as an accomplishment?
00:00:36.713 --> 00:00:44.746
The difference is the mindset of the person at the time of hearing it, of the person at the time of hearing it and, as a widow.
00:00:44.746 --> 00:00:51.853
In the acute stages of grief, we are mostly angry and feeling hopeless.
00:00:51.853 --> 00:01:05.725
So when someone says you are so strong, we tend to get offended by these words and twist them into something negative and shameful.
00:01:05.725 --> 00:01:10.766
I know because that was also me when my husband, tom, first died.
00:01:10.766 --> 00:01:13.632
I certainly did not feel strong.
00:01:13.632 --> 00:01:20.614
As a matter of fact, I felt weak and very embarrassed by that.
00:01:20.614 --> 00:01:39.147
By that, these words you are so strong also make us feel pressured to be strong, which actually stops us from being vulnerable and it stops us from sharing our true feelings.
00:01:39.147 --> 00:01:46.576
Why do we let these words you are so strong hold us back?
00:01:46.576 --> 00:01:56.352
Why do we let these words make us feel ashamed Ashamed to grieve publicly and share our true feelings?
00:01:56.352 --> 00:02:04.649
We could simply reply thank you, but I really don't feel strong right now.
00:02:04.649 --> 00:02:09.335
I feel lost and I'm struggling to keep it together.
00:02:09.335 --> 00:02:11.698
Thank you, but I really don't feel strong right now.
00:02:11.698 --> 00:02:13.020
I feel lost and I'm struggling to keep it together.
00:02:13.020 --> 00:02:19.080
But no, we stay quiet and we continue to minimize our pain for the sake of disappointing others.
00:02:20.281 --> 00:02:25.411
Now there is a more positive way to look at the phrase.
00:02:25.411 --> 00:02:27.074
You are so strong.
00:02:27.074 --> 00:02:32.111
But it doesn't always happen right away.
00:02:32.111 --> 00:02:46.093
For me, it took years to accept this as positive, and we all know that it's hard for us, as widows, to express how we feel and what we need.
00:02:46.093 --> 00:02:56.394
So let's just take a moment to understand the perspective of someone else when they say you are so strong.
00:02:56.394 --> 00:03:05.074
There was a time that you never experienced a loss tragic enough to empathize with someone else.
00:03:05.074 --> 00:03:11.568
You may have also struggled with the words to pay your respects or condolences.
00:03:11.568 --> 00:03:29.080
You also know what it's like to worry if you're saying the right thing to someone, even if it's not pertaining to grief pertaining to grief.
00:03:29.080 --> 00:03:29.401
Even now.
00:03:29.421 --> 00:03:31.324
I struggle with talking about grief and death with some people.
00:03:31.324 --> 00:03:33.127
Even I, freeze and have no words.
00:03:33.127 --> 00:03:41.763
But ultimately I feel that others are trying their best to convey their condolences.
00:03:41.763 --> 00:03:58.074
Now we can choose to believe their words are coming from a place of sympathy and compassion, but even more, I think what they're telling us is what they see.
00:03:58.074 --> 00:04:04.026
They are telling us what it looks like from their perspective.
00:04:04.026 --> 00:04:15.644
They see us as widows pretending to be strong, but what they don't know is it's all a facade.
00:04:15.644 --> 00:04:26.053
The words you are so strong can also just be coming from a place of admiration.
00:04:26.053 --> 00:04:34.375
It can be seen simply as an encouraging statement to keep us going and nothing more.
00:04:36.182 --> 00:04:40.793
But here's the thing Grief has a way of transforming us.
00:04:40.793 --> 00:04:46.665
It's not about becoming stronger, but rather braver.
00:04:46.665 --> 00:04:52.334
When we navigate loss, we're faced with a journey of courage.
00:04:52.334 --> 00:04:57.125
We are stepping into the unknown with each passing day.
00:04:57.125 --> 00:05:01.031
Bravery isn't about being fearless.
00:05:01.031 --> 00:05:07.886
It's about acknowledging our pain and choosing to move forward despite it.
00:05:07.886 --> 00:05:17.326
You may not feel it and you may not see it, but you are getting stronger each day.
00:05:17.326 --> 00:05:27.045
Every day you wake up after losing the love of your life, you are stronger Every time you make it through another day.
00:05:27.045 --> 00:05:34.081
You are stronger Every time you smile from a memory of your person.
00:05:34.081 --> 00:05:35.685
You are stronger.
00:05:35.685 --> 00:05:39.651
Every time you find a moment of joy.
00:05:39.651 --> 00:05:41.235
You are stronger.
00:05:41.235 --> 00:05:45.468
Every time you shed a tear for your loss.
00:05:45.468 --> 00:05:47.213
You are stronger.
00:05:47.213 --> 00:05:52.872
Every time you share your story, you are stronger.
00:05:52.872 --> 00:06:00.869
And every day you choose to move forward, you are stronger.
00:06:00.869 --> 00:06:14.550
And one day, my friend, you will see yourself as strong as I do, because, after all, love is not dead, just my husband.
00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:11.109
00:00:11.109 --> 00:00:24.253
00:00:24.253 --> 00:00:31.544
00:00:31.544 --> 00:00:36.713
00:00:36.713 --> 00:00:44.746
00:00:44.746 --> 00:00:51.853
00:00:51.853 --> 00:01:05.725
00:01:05.725 --> 00:01:10.766
00:01:10.766 --> 00:01:13.632
00:01:13.632 --> 00:01:20.614
00:01:20.614 --> 00:01:39.147
00:01:39.147 --> 00:01:46.576
00:01:46.576 --> 00:01:56.352
00:01:56.352 --> 00:02:04.649
00:02:04.649 --> 00:02:09.335
00:02:09.335 --> 00:02:11.698
00:02:11.698 --> 00:02:13.020
00:02:13.020 --> 00:02:19.080
00:02:20.281 --> 00:02:25.411
00:02:25.411 --> 00:02:27.074
00:02:27.074 --> 00:02:32.111
00:02:32.111 --> 00:02:46.093
00:02:46.093 --> 00:02:56.394
00:02:56.394 --> 00:03:05.074
00:03:05.074 --> 00:03:11.568
00:03:11.568 --> 00:03:29.080
00:03:29.080 --> 00:03:29.401
00:03:29.421 --> 00:03:31.324
00:03:31.324 --> 00:03:33.127
00:03:33.127 --> 00:03:41.763
00:03:41.763 --> 00:03:58.074
00:03:58.074 --> 00:04:04.026
00:04:04.026 --> 00:04:15.644
00:04:15.644 --> 00:04:26.053
00:04:26.053 --> 00:04:34.375
00:04:36.182 --> 00:04:40.793
00:04:40.793 --> 00:04:46.665
00:04:46.665 --> 00:04:52.334
00:04:52.334 --> 00:04:57.125
00:04:57.125 --> 00:05:01.031
00:05:01.031 --> 00:05:07.886
00:05:07.886 --> 00:05:17.326
00:05:17.326 --> 00:05:27.045
00:05:27.045 --> 00:05:34.081
00:05:34.081 --> 00:05:35.685
00:05:35.685 --> 00:05:39.651
00:05:39.651 --> 00:05:41.235
00:05:41.235 --> 00:05:45.468
00:05:45.468 --> 00:05:47.213
00:05:47.213 --> 00:05:52.872
00:05:52.872 --> 00:06:00.869
00:06:00.869 --> 00:06:14.550
