Season 5 Trailer: How To Widow Your Way

Hey friend, I know it's been a while, but hey, cancer sucks and I feel like I've let it get in the way of my podcasting for just a bit too long. So unfortunately I can't really promise you consistency right now, like a weekly episode, but I can promise you that I'm still here and I have a lot more to say. So after a year of podcasting, I realized that I am just still holding back from what I want to say. Yes, I've talked about some topics from a different perspective. I've also shared some stories that you can relate to that make you feel like you're just not losing your mind. I've also talked about widowing your own way, but I'm not sure if I've been clear enough. I feel like it's been more of an expression or a feeling and I haven't really put it into clear, concise words. I've never wanted to be someone giving widow advice like no tips and tricks, because, well, there are none. I've never wanted to tell you what you need to do, because the same thing doesn't work for everyone, and this podcast has always been meant to be a guide for you to discover your own unique path to live in happily even after. But now, with an incurable stage four cancer, I feel the need to make it clear how to widow your own way.

So for season five, I think we need to start with changing our mindset about death. Death should be about living and not just the end of life. Now I know as a widow that you're not just grieving the loss of your husband or your person, but you're also grieving the loss of yourself, your life. It took me a really long time to realize that, and even though a part of you dies with your husband, there's a new version of you that's reborn. This is the widow's journey. It's your loss, your life, your purpose. Now I also want to take a minute here to remind listeners that my husband, tom, died almost six years ago. I am not newly widowed, I am not in the acute stages of grief, and my perspective on being a widow is not the same as it was in the beginning. My needs as a widow now are not the same as my needs back then, and neither is my support system. It's evolved with me. Stories I share are unique to me, and I've been honest with you about how I felt and know that the person that I am today can look back at that sad, angry, hurt version of myself with love and compassion. If I can go back, I would tell myself I know you like structure, but everything is getting ready to fall apart.

There's going to be a lot of pain involved, mentally and physically but you're not alone. Others are grieving with you and for you. They just can't find the words to tell you. Don't push them away. You're going to cry a lot. Don't hold back your tears and don't wipe them away and never, ever, apologize for crying.

You're going to feel lost and confused. You're going to have to learn to trust yourself, and I'm so sorry, but there are no instructions for being a widow. You're going to have to make up your own rules. The journey you're about to go on is going to be long and hard. For the first time ever, you're going to have to put yourself first and you're going to want to fight this every step of the way. But the more you fight against grief, the longer it's going to take to heal. Your past will lead you to your future. The one thing you need to know is grief is going to be your constant companion, but it will not always hurt or bring you sadness. Sometimes, grief will bring you moments of joy, and when it does, you will realize that love is not dead, just your husband.