The Widow Lottery - There is no winner!

Hey friend, sorry I'm a little late with this episode. It's been a rough few weeks for me and I haven't really been myself lately, if I'm honest. Work has been very stressful and I'm just kind of starting to feel like maybe after 10 years with this company, maybe my values aren't really aligning with them any longer. So I'm just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do about that, which is sort of fitting for this podcast episode, because we are gonna talk about money. A few listeners have asked for my take on the financial aspects. A widow goes through after a loss. It's a touchy subject and it can also be very private. But just like grief isn't discussed enough openly, neither are finances. People don't want you to know what their financial situations are. That's very private and as a widow you're already going through so much emotionally and physically. But what about financially? Most widows are going to a single income home or no income at all. I've heard stories of women losing everything after they lost a partner, some because they were not legally married, some because the partner was the primary provider in the home, and some have become homeless or had to completely relocate and move in with family or friends. Now here's the touchy part. Some people seem to think there is some big payout for widows after they lose their partner from life insurance, and if there is, you know what? It's no one's damn business because in reality, life insurance is not as common as people think. Most people don't even think about death, or even that far enough in the future to even get life insurance. I know Tom's policy was just over a year old and if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you've heard me say that before Tom died he was getting very morbid and talked about death a lot, and that is the only reason we had a life insurance policy. So my widows already know this, but I'm gonna go through this just in case those who are listening are wondering how they can support a widow, possibly financially. There are a lot of expenses associated with death and if you don't have life insurance or anything in savings, it can be devastating because on top of all of your emotional stress of having to plan a funeral, you also need to worry about paying it too. Funerals are expensive, quite blank, and if you do have life insurance, you're signing paperwork up front which guarantees the funeral home will get paid before you get anything. And then there's your partner's debt. A lot of people have opinions on this and handle it differently Do you pay it or do you not pay it? Basically, there should be an estate plan to handle all the debts. But I'm not going to get into estate planning because I don't know all the ins and outs. But I do know that there was a very, very sweet lady at the courthouse that walked me through Tom's and there's always going to be expenses that you don't think of right away. Even with life insurance, the check is not cut and given to you immediately. There's a wait. I had to scrape together what little money we had in our accounts to pay bills and take care of odds and ends. Tom's income stopped immediately, and so did mine because I wasn't working the life insurance we had helped, but it also did not last long at all. Once everything was settled, I was soon faced with a single income and all the bills were solely on me. At the time I had a large mortgage payment, car payment, insurance utilities, credit card debt and other bills that I had to pay. I was forced to make some really difficult decisions, but I also had to think long term. So I made the decision to sell the house that I had owned for 10 years. Luckily, it sold fast and then I was able to buy something smaller and more affordable. It had been years since I'd lived on my own and I was really scared. I was trying to think of how I even lived before I met Tom, because back then I was just a young single mom and I remember how hard it was. Most of the time I was working two jobs just to survive, and after Tom died I was financially stressed. But I wasn't really struggling, and not many people are that lucky. I've heard horror stories from widows about how devastating their financial situations were after they lost their partner, especially from women with children. It's already difficult for widows to ask for help in general, but then adding asking for financial help on top of that can just be embarrassing. As a new widow, your memory is not so good. Your attention span is going to be short and decision making is downright difficult. I know that finances are an issue for a lot of widows and looking for resources on this topic is not that easy, but here are some suggestions Discuss your financial situation with close friends or family. Chances are they've probably been looking for a way to support you, and this may very well be what you both need. You may also be more comfortable asking another widow about handling financial affairs. Also, go to your bank. They have a lot of free resources and they can help you make financial decisions. That's basically where I started when I was out of money. But, most importantly, do not discuss with anyone the amount you receive from life insurance benefits. It is no one's business, and this is where the misconception comes from that widows have money. There is no widow lottery and, yes, people will come out of the woodworks and they do not have a problem asking you for money at all. They assume that you are vulnerable and that you're easily going to say yes. I know this may be more of a serious episode, but this is a topic that does need to be discussed more. Not only are widows suffering emotionally and physically, but they can be experiencing a lot of financial hardships too. So if you're looking for a way to help someone who was recently widowed and don't feel like your words are enough, find out how they're doing financially and maybe take some action there. And it doesn't have to be physically handing someone money either. You can buy some groceries, send DoorDash, pay a utility bill, treat them to dinner, pay for a cleaning service or a babysitter, and my personal favorite is inviting them on your family vacation. And just for the record, I have not met a widow yet that felt like she's won the lottery after her partner has died. I, for one, would much rather have Tom than all the money in the world, because, after all, love is not dead, just my husband.